Tuesday, March 25, 2008

ER Patient of the Day

***100+ white female in the ER for confusion***

PATIENT: Get in here!

ME: Hi, ma'am. Do you need help?

PATIENT: No. What do you want?

ME: Well, I heard you call for someone...so I came to see if you needed help.

PATIENT: No one helps me. You all have broken my cookies. MY COOKIES ARE BROKEN!

ME: Your cookies are broken?

PATIENT: I am over 5 years old. You all want me to die!

ME: We don't want that. We are here to help you.

PATIENT: Get out of here!

***I start leaving the room***

PATIENT: Get back in here, sir!

***Please note: I am NOT a sir......last time I checked in the mirror, I was female.......***

ME: Yes, ma'am?

PATIENT: Get someone here to help me.

***Here is when I call for a nurse...not knowing what to do with my 3rd year medical student experience***

NURSE: Can we help you, ma'am?

PATIENT: Get this off of me!!!

***Patient rips out IV. As the nurse goes to grab it from her, she starts whipping the nurse with the tubing***

PATIENT: That's mine!

NURSE: You have pulled your IV out. Stop hitting! We need to reattach this.

PATIENT: You aren't helping me. Someone has to help me all the time.

NURSE: We ARE helping you.

PATIENT: ***Looking to me*** Who are you?

ME: I'm the medical student.

PATIENT: Well, you're NOT doing a very good job at it!

ME: ***Already starting to laugh at the situation*** Oh man! You're the first patient that has EVER told me that! I'm sorry to hear you say that.

PATIENT: I'm going to tell your folks and they are NOT going to be happy about it!

Hahahaha!!! I have been laughing at this situation the rest of the day. First she whipped the nurse with her pulled-out IV tube, then told me I was not doing a good job. It was so humorous! Better than that, when I passed her room about 5 minutes later, she had no idea who I was! Hahaha....I will remember her for a LONG time!

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