***100+ white female in the ER for confusion***
PATIENT:  Get in here!
ME:  Hi, ma'am.  Do you need help?
PATIENT:  No.  What do you want?
ME:  Well, I heard you call for someone...so I came to see if you needed help.
PATIENT:  No one helps me.  You all have broken my cookies.  MY COOKIES ARE BROKEN!
ME:  Your cookies are broken?
PATIENT:  I am over 5 years old.  You all want me to die!
ME:  We don't want that.  We are here to help you.
PATIENT:  Get out of here!
***I start leaving the room***
PATIENT:  Get back in here, sir!
***Please note:  I am NOT a sir......last time I checked in the mirror, I was female.......***
ME:  Yes, ma'am?
PATIENT:  Get someone here to help me.
***Here is when I call for a nurse...not knowing what to do with my 3rd year medical student experience***
NURSE:  Can we help you, ma'am?
PATIENT:  Get this off of me!!! 
***Patient rips out IV.  As the nurse goes to grab it from her, she starts whipping the nurse with the tubing***
PATIENT:  That's mine!
NURSE:  You have pulled your IV out.  Stop hitting!  We need to reattach this.
PATIENT:  You aren't helping me.  Someone has to help me all the time.
NURSE:  We ARE helping you.
PATIENT:  ***Looking to me***  Who are you?
ME:  I'm the medical student.
PATIENT:  Well, you're NOT doing a very good job at it!
ME:  ***Already starting to laugh at the situation***  Oh man!  You're the first patient that has EVER told me that!  I'm sorry to hear you say that.
PATIENT:  I'm going to tell your folks and they are NOT going to be happy about it!
Hahahaha!!!  I have been laughing at this situation the rest of the day.  First she whipped the nurse with her pulled-out IV tube, then told me I was not doing a good job.  It was so humorous!  Better than that, when I passed her room about 5 minutes later, she had no idea who I was!  Hahaha....I will remember her for a LONG time!
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