ME: What brings you in here today, sir?
IDIOT PATIENT: I have weakness all over.
ME: When did this start?
IDIOT PATIENT: Oh, I've had this about 2 years.
ME: Did something happen? Why did you choose today to come in for this problem?
IDIOT PATIENT: No reason. Just thought it was time to get it checked out.
Give me a break Mr. Idiot Patient....what the heck are we going to do in the ER for you to treat this generalized weakness that has been present for 2 years? You dummy!
Showing posts with label ER. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ER. Show all posts
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
ER Patient of the Day
***100+ white female in the ER for confusion***
PATIENT: Get in here!
ME: Hi, ma'am. Do you need help?
PATIENT: No. What do you want?
ME: Well, I heard you call for someone...so I came to see if you needed help.
PATIENT: No one helps me. You all have broken my cookies. MY COOKIES ARE BROKEN!
ME: Your cookies are broken?
PATIENT: I am over 5 years old. You all want me to die!
ME: We don't want that. We are here to help you.
PATIENT: Get out of here!
***I start leaving the room***
PATIENT: Get back in here, sir!
***Please note: I am NOT a sir......last time I checked in the mirror, I was female.......***
ME: Yes, ma'am?
PATIENT: Get someone here to help me.
***Here is when I call for a nurse...not knowing what to do with my 3rd year medical student experience***
NURSE: Can we help you, ma'am?
PATIENT: Get this off of me!!!
***Patient rips out IV. As the nurse goes to grab it from her, she starts whipping the nurse with the tubing***
PATIENT: That's mine!
NURSE: You have pulled your IV out. Stop hitting! We need to reattach this.
PATIENT: You aren't helping me. Someone has to help me all the time.
NURSE: We ARE helping you.
PATIENT: ***Looking to me*** Who are you?
ME: I'm the medical student.
PATIENT: Well, you're NOT doing a very good job at it!
ME: ***Already starting to laugh at the situation*** Oh man! You're the first patient that has EVER told me that! I'm sorry to hear you say that.
PATIENT: I'm going to tell your folks and they are NOT going to be happy about it!
Hahahaha!!! I have been laughing at this situation the rest of the day. First she whipped the nurse with her pulled-out IV tube, then told me I was not doing a good job. It was so humorous! Better than that, when I passed her room about 5 minutes later, she had no idea who I was! Hahaha....I will remember her for a LONG time!
PATIENT: Get in here!
ME: Hi, ma'am. Do you need help?
PATIENT: No. What do you want?
ME: Well, I heard you call for someone...so I came to see if you needed help.
PATIENT: No one helps me. You all have broken my cookies. MY COOKIES ARE BROKEN!
ME: Your cookies are broken?
PATIENT: I am over 5 years old. You all want me to die!
ME: We don't want that. We are here to help you.
PATIENT: Get out of here!
***I start leaving the room***
PATIENT: Get back in here, sir!
***Please note: I am NOT a sir......last time I checked in the mirror, I was female.......***
ME: Yes, ma'am?
PATIENT: Get someone here to help me.
***Here is when I call for a nurse...not knowing what to do with my 3rd year medical student experience***
NURSE: Can we help you, ma'am?
PATIENT: Get this off of me!!!
***Patient rips out IV. As the nurse goes to grab it from her, she starts whipping the nurse with the tubing***
PATIENT: That's mine!
NURSE: You have pulled your IV out. Stop hitting! We need to reattach this.
PATIENT: You aren't helping me. Someone has to help me all the time.
NURSE: We ARE helping you.
PATIENT: ***Looking to me*** Who are you?
ME: I'm the medical student.
PATIENT: Well, you're NOT doing a very good job at it!
ME: ***Already starting to laugh at the situation*** Oh man! You're the first patient that has EVER told me that! I'm sorry to hear you say that.
PATIENT: I'm going to tell your folks and they are NOT going to be happy about it!
Hahahaha!!! I have been laughing at this situation the rest of the day. First she whipped the nurse with her pulled-out IV tube, then told me I was not doing a good job. It was so humorous! Better than that, when I passed her room about 5 minutes later, she had no idea who I was! Hahaha....I will remember her for a LONG time!
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